where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
