Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
