Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
