i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
