Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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