If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
