I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
