I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
