Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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