I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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