I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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