I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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