I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
