her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
