1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We are two peas in an std pod
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The adults are the big ones right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
