dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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