True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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