i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize