he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
