she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
