and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
