I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
