I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
