the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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