so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
