i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
