Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
