my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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