508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
