Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
