were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
