She's JV to your varsity
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
