thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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