She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
