He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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