Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
