really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
