Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
