i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
