She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
