like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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