Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
