I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
