i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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