So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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