i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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