I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
