we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
