i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
