And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You can't motorboat a personality
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
