i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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