I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
