Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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