I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
