y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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