Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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