omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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