bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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