She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
