I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
