Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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