you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
