I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's the barista slut.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
