I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
