Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
