im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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