their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
